(MIL) F this
New York Magazine’s Sex and Love Issue includes a read on the MILF phenomenon. And for once this exploration of the MILF movement (they said movement – not sure about that one) was a worthwhile read. It delivered beyond the usual review of hot moms and the jeans they love. (Yes, I know – I did say New York Magazine). Extra credit for stopping to acknowledge both the objectification issue (this is a problem) as well as the allure of making MILF and the status it (appears to) offer.
All of which leaves us a little conflicted about the movement. We, like many modern women, are trapped between two fears: that having kids will make us unsex, and that trying to stay sexy will make us ridiculous. Our inner feminist tells us that MILFdom is not a solution but rather a self-destructive form of female-chauvinist piggery, to borrow Ariel Levy’s term: Are today’s mothers really so afraid of seeming past their prime that they accept objectification as a compliment? In this light, the MILF mandate is just another superficial standard for women to try—and fail—to live up to, the final, exhausting step for alpha moms trying to “have it all.” First, there is the pressure to be alluring during pregnancy—to carry it off like Heidi Klum rather than getting puffy-faced like Kate Hudson. (Yeah, turns out it’s now okay to call a pregnant woman fat!) Then there’s the race to get back into shape everywhere (“Kegels! Kegels! Kegels!” order the moms on UrbanBaby). Next, the small matter of resurrecting your libido from the diaper pail. And finally, MILFhood. (Though anyone who saw Dame Helen Mirren at the Oscars might argue that it doesn’t even end there: Hello, GILF!)
And again, the issue – yes, this is about an attempt to hold on to aspects of pre-maternal life. And this is not, can not be limited to physical success (what does that mean anyway?). As I have said and heard over and over – “cute is the easy part” - and really being a MILF – aspiring to be a MILF is a journey down very shallow waters (with lots of rocks and other ways of quickly getting injured)….and I say this as a woman who is known for meeting the criteria (physically, I mean). Being a MILF is cute, one-dimensional – very few women I know aspire to cute. It is a one note song and frankly, boring as hell. And despite the the author’s attempt to elevate the MILF by suggesting new, more stringent criteria for making the club (in short you had to NOT have been a sleaze before or during your MILFdom, you know, been respectable)….I am going to still go with BORING.
Like most of my contemporaries I choose to focus on being a MILE – Mom I’d Like to Employ (see my February Blog index for the results of the MILE Awards). A MILE is, in short, a woman who strives to remain full, vital, alive and YES – she is sexy as can be. A woman is does not fear being past her prime because she finds herself more firmly rooted in her sense of self and her values with each passing day. A woman whose passion for her family and her work radiate from within, keeping her beautiful in a much more profound way – in an authentic “this is who I am now”, non-apologetic, and confident way. And yes – we MILES do go through many of the MILF motions (we workout, we shop, some of us own lots of bags, lip gloss and great shoes, we have a mani/pedi/blow-out thing happening) – we just do that AND then some (me for example -of course the work - and I read, I cook, I spend time with friends)…and not to have it all – rather to be ourselves. And that, as I have stated over and over is sexier than almost anything I can imagine.
As for Em & Lo’s attempt at tying the MILF phenomenon into a bi-product or a continuation of the “new pregnancy” – no I am not going to buy that. Cheep, easy arch (shot) that does tie this all together, for sure – but does not fly.