A Very Personal Response to “Preservation IVF” – Guest Blog by Kara Matuszewski

The following very personal and passionate response to the Washington Post’s Article  on Preservation IVF  (thier term) was written by friend of Forty Weeks,  Kara Matuszewski.  Kara’s point of view comes from a most personal and frustrating place, it is at once honest and painful. Her outrage is justified and shared by many.  Thank you Kara for your candor and your eloquence. Most of all, thank you for sharing your journey with us!

Kara Matuszewski

Kara Matuszewski is a New England journalist. She and her husband just celebrated their seventh anniversary, and though they have no human children, they consider their black lab Cabo good training. You can follow Kara is on Twitter @karamat; on LinkedIn (linkedin.com/karamat) and on Facebook (facebook.com/karamat).

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After reading about a woman who chose, at the age of 30, to freeze her embryos for “a later date” when “she’s ready,” I wanted to scream. She calls it Preservation IVF.

What does she call traditional IVF? Desperation IVF.  Because, to her, there are no other options.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year. So far, no baby. It’s difficult. Each month you hope it will be “the month.” But then you get your period.

You seem to notice every, single pregnant woman or baby.

And because of my age (32 — just a year older than the woman in the WaPo article), lots of my friends are having babies. I’m very excited for each of them, but as you can imagine it’s tough some days.

The worst part about my situation is the doctors don’t know why we’re no conceiving. All the tests come back “normal.” Normal, in this sense, is not good. It means that there’s no pill to take, no test to choose, or anything else.

I’ve been diagnosed with Abnormal Infertility. Yes, it has an actual diagnosis.

But we have not given up hope. We have a wonderful doctor on our side who is compassionate and thoughtful. She sat with me as I cried through an appointment where we agreed that I probably had been pregnant and miscarried. She laughed with me when I told her my period is always “spot on.” And she advocates for me.

We are not to IVF yet, and at no point have I felt desperate.

In fact, I have felt fully confident in our decisions.

I once said that we wanted to wait, too. But we got married at 25, and I didn’t think I was mature enough to care for a child. I have grown immensely in seven years. I am now in one couple’s will to be their children’s guardian.  And I know I will be a good parent to the child we will have.

I can understand that people want to wait, but to label it Preservation — and the other Desperation? That woman needs a dose of reality.