This Must Be the Place

There is truly no place like home - even Casa Loco.  And today – mine is filled with all four kids (and don’t get me started on Matthew leaving for college on Friday and how this looms – one part excitement, one part disbelief and one part pure sadness) Rosie the Dog and Bob (until he got up and out to make hay or some such thing). So yes, home – as the the Talking Heads said  (in one of my sister Susan Beck Zaslow’s favorite songs from when we were young and her hair was as cool and asymmetrical as it could be):

Home – is where I want to be
But I guess I’m already there
I come home – she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can’t tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this is where I’ll be . . . where I’ll be

And so it is true  – even the hardest moments grow us, mold us, and in the case of our family: blend us. This year  was bumpy. The word neuro (as in neuorlogical evaluation, neuropsych testing and neurological condition) came up way to often. This year was also remarkable  in terms of milestones (graduations, leading roles, award-winning prose, etc.) Some victories, some defeats but really so much love.  If the measure of our success as a family is laughter we have it and then some – enough to spare and to send each one of us with a sack full of it each and every day.

 On Shabbat - I caught Matthew registering that this was his last Friday evening at home.  And so, with my hand on his shoulder (and my eyes full of tears) I told him this was his to take with him.  Then, (because I am really annoying) I asked each member of the family to share a pearl of wisdom with Matthew – something for him  to take on his way. Mine was that he not pretend or assume to know the  answers but rather remain open to learning as he goes.  I am sure this one will not get unpacked for a few years to come. But he has it.

And here I am  – in the nerve center of Casa Loco – sipping my coffee and making sense of some things. My house is full this Sunday morning though it will not be this way again. Matthew will be coming home – sure but not living here. And our blending dynamic will change once again.

I don’t know if I will ever really understand the way things work. Our bumpy journeys or our high moments. Our victories or losses or where the two intersect. I do know that this is a lucky life — and clearly, this must be the place.

Rebecca, Matthew, Samuel and Lila - Dec 2009